6 Contradictory Health Tips We Hate
In episode 52 of the podcast we hated on shitty health advice and like always, we’re not done! If you are as confused as to what is ok to put in your body and are pissed off by all the contradictory advice out there then join in the hate and let me know what I missed.
Is salt good for you? Yes…No…who the hell knows. Look I don’t know whether or not salt is good for you, but I will tell you this: Eating food without salt is like having sex without the orgasm, it’s ok but you are basically just exercising. You are abstaining from salt so you can get a couple of extra years at the end…for what? So you can keep eating bland ass food? This shit used to be a worldwide currency son! Season your food homie.
I just read these back to back after a quick Google search:
I mean this is the bullshit I’m talking about. How the ass are we supposed to know who’s right? Here’s what you do: If you are healthy then just keep doing what you do. If you are overweight and/or feel unhealthy and eat breakfast then stop. If you don’t eat breakfast then start to. Bam! Problem solved.
Heat vs. Cold
Why is it every damn time I go to see a doctor I get the same advice: 1. Put ice on it. 2. Apply heat to it. 3. Don’t eat spicy food. Yo I respect my man Wim Hof but there is a better chance of me cleaning my toilet with my tongue than there is of me jumping in a goddam ice bath. Let’s kill that noise right now. On the other hand, my body feels great after being in a sauna for a while, but the negative effects on my brain last much longer as I try desperately to purge the memory of that fucking asshole sitting across from me with his legs spread like Sharon Stone. Not only that, but he’s also scratching his nuts like he’s at home on his couch. So I can’t do cold or hot…are there any benefits from being in room temperature?
Here are the conclusions I reached while trying to figure out if coffee is good for you or not. You may wet the bed but you’ll have more than enough energy to change them pissy sheets. Also drinking coffee may protect your brain and body from awful shit like Alzheimer disease and dementia but you may become a jittery insomniac who is forever restless and slowly go insane…totally worth it!
I grew up eating Flintstones vitamins and now you tell me there are NO benefits from those delicious candied Wilma chewables? Really? So what if I live in Seattle and I’m the shade of Manute Bol, you sure I don’t need to supplement my Vit D? So I actually have to eat a wide variety of foods to get all the vitamins and nutrients that my body needs? Nah son, I’ll just keep licking Wilma up and down while Fred looks jealously from the bottom of that shitty ass bottle.
I grew up in fear of this apparently “dangerous gateway drug” from all the propaganda I’d been fed throughout my youth. Only to find out that it’s all bullshit and this is one of the most beneficial plants in the whole world. The list of ailments this helps with is staggering and some governments will have you believe that it is as detrimental to your body as meth or heroine. Not to mention all the things it enhances: music, food and sex. In the words of the great prophet Dave Chappelle, “Hey hey hey hey, smoke weed every day!”