10 Conspiracy Theories We Hate

10 Conspiracy Theories We Hate

Aw yeah sons we’re back with some more hate! Today my Bernie Sanders meter is high and boiling over with hate for this week’s topic: Conspiracy Theories. Check out our podcast episode on the topic cause I know you want some more butternut!

 

Roswell UFO

You dumb fucks! Let me clue you in on something…the universe is insanely big. We know how far away the nearest habitable planet is and all you have to do to get there in 14 years is travel at 186,000 miles/sec. So what you’re telling me with this dumb ass conspiracy theory is that some alien race figured out how to do that or fold space or some other shit we can’t imagine and then when they got here they fucked it all up by crashing their space ship and getting caught by humans? Yeah ok.

 

Fake Moon Landing

While we are on the topic of space we might as well talk about this nonsense too. All I have to say about this is…SO THE FUCK WHAT? Who cares? We are all confident that they can go there now right? Great! Let’s move on.

 

Big Foot

So you leave your house and go into the woods looking for monsters? I hope you find big foot and he shoves one of those size 23’s right up your ass. What’s the big deal anyway? Can he talk or do some other cool shit like juggle or make antique vases or ride a horse like Planet Of The Apes? Just leave the guy or gal alone so they can eat their beef jerky in peace.

Flat Earth

In 2016 with the ease that one can obtain GPS devices, doesn’t this one look to be the easiest to prove? Here’s what you do…start at one point on Earth then head in one direction until one of two things happen: a) you make it back to where you started in which case you realize that you’re a moron and just wasted a ton of time and money, or b) you fall off the edge of the planet and the rest of us rejoice because you may no longer be able to pass on those idiot genes.

 

All The Rest

Chemtrails is just water vapor you dick.

Lizard people? Yeah cause aliens would obviously look like the humanoid version of some tiny animal on Earth.

Jay-Z? A traveling vampire? Actually that pic from the 1930’s looks pretty legit…just sayin’.

vampire-jay-z

Hollow Earth…why don’t you take some meth and start digging, I’ll be there in a sec.

JFK. Ok here’s what happened…he got shot!

Holocaust deniers, if this never happened don’t you think we would have heard something from Germany at this point asking why the world thinks they did unspeakable things?

 

There are way too many of these dumb ass conspiracies out there for me to address. However if you feel like you can sway my opinions about any of these please leave a comment and we can battle.

 

 

 

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