Batman v Superman is Not The Movie We Need, But It is The Movie We Deserve!
I listen to a lot of movie related podcasts in addition to the extraordinary Butternut Deluxe pod. We Hate Movies is another top notch show that talks movies. Last week they did an emergency podcast shitting all over Batman v Superman: Dawn of oh dear god don’t let there be a sequel but of course there will be. In fact all the fan boy hate overwhelmed the Internet so much it brought millionaire Oscar winner Ben Affleck to the verge of tears.
The movie has 29 percent on rotten tomatoes, nearly every casual movie reviewer and experienced critic wanted a chance to mock this shitty Hollywood money grab once it came out.
And yet it should have been obvious from the first preview that this was going to be a steaming pile of bat shit. Let’s break down the marketing campaign real quick and you tell me if this broken septic tank of a film shouldn’t have flared your nostrils with the scent of failure from the very first whiff.
The movie is called Batman v Superman and yet we were treated to posters and rumors of Wonder Woman, Aqua Man, and some other bullshit characters, which telegraphs right away this movie isn’t about the fight between Batman and Superman at all but an obvious attempt to start up a Justice League franchise. In the preview we are shown Batman and Superman fighting for a few brief shots then they are shown working together with Wonder Women to fight some giant alien hulk monster with a head like a glowing ball sack. So what the fuck?! We know the end of the movie already! This is nothing new from Hollywood previews but it’s a big problem for Batman v. Superman where all the tension of this concept derives from the possibility that either Batman or Superman could kill each other.
BUT sadly we are shown right from the preview that of course, the studio is going to be too spineless to kill off either character. So honestly why watch the movie? I wrote an article a while back about how all comic book movies are, if we are being honest, dull, unimaginative, safe movies, and yet they still make millions upon millions at the box office. Batman v Supertramp is set to be no different, while a critical disaster it has already grossed 500 million world wide. So do you think that will discourage studios from making these super pieces of shit in the future? Why try when whatever turd a studio executive squeezes out people will pay to see? As long it’s got some comic book title the nerds will line up. This is why I no longer see comic book movies. Hollywood has shit in my eyes one too many times. And when the next comic book movie people have been waiting months too see turns out to be utterly horrible and fan boys are once again complaining all over the internet, I’ll say, in the words of Nate Diaz,
“I’m not surprised mother fuckers”