10 Things We Hate At The Olympics

10 Things We Hate At The Olympics

Episode 38 of the podcast was about the olympics  and I got into fights with my girlfriend, co-workers even other Butternut Deluxe members about the shitty Olympics, but as always we’re not done. So here’s some more Olympic hate for your guts. Enjoy!

Walking

Yeah let’s think about this for a second. You ever say to your friend, “Hey man let’s see who can walk the fastest.” Guess what always happens…you start fucking running! You know why? Because running is faster than walking and if you want to win then you should probably run. Well at least it looks cool when they do it, right? Umm why don’t we have a 20K walk race or even better a 50K one. God this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of.

Judo

Please tell me you watched this! This was like an advanced class on how to be a rapist. The whole purpose is to get your opponent (or date) onto his or her back to score. Pepe Le Pew would definitely approve of this sport. I watched guys heads jammed in each other’s taints and girls having no problems thrusting their hand in the other girl’s box…to be fair I didn’t hate that last part very much.

Swimming

I fucking hate swimming so much! It’s so god damned boring. All you out there know that I’m speaking the truth. This is not a sport worthy of anyone’s time. I bet you have never ever seen a swimming event outside of the Olympics. Yeah that’s what I thought. Fuck swimming! For you to be a famous swimmer you either have to win the most medals in Olympic history or vandalize a bathroom and lie to the police about it, which causes a big scandal.

Horses

Why the fuck are their horses in the Olympics? Three dumbass events: Equestrian Dressage, Equestrian Eventing and Equestrian Jumping. Unreal! There is an event called Eventing. What the fuck does that mean? And you know what, I’m willing to bet that the horse would be able to jump higher if he wasn’t carrying some asshole on his back. I’m getting too angry thinking about this nonsense…

Trampoline

Remember when they tried this with basketball? That was a stupid ass idea too. Who gets hyped for this? No one in the history of the known universe, that’s who. “Yo son let’s go out for a drink and party it up.” “Nah playa, I’m about to watch this um trampoline ish nah mean.” In the words of Choc Oc…Trampoline? Who the fuck cares? That’s like cheating at gymnastics. Get outta here with this bullshit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ouXw328WYI

Michael Phelps

All of you out there juggling Phelps’ balls in your mouth jerking him off because of all his medals can go to hell. Let me sum it up for you in one sentence: I DON’T CARE, IT’S SWIMMING!!! No he is not the greatest Olympic athlete of all time, he just has the most medals in SWIMMING! Has it ever been said by anyone you know, “I need to be entertained, let’s go watch swimming.” Are you going to put your grandson or daughter on you knee and tell him/her about Michael Phelps and all his medals? I can assure that I fucking won’t. Who cares? It’s SWIMMING!

Golf

So isn’t the point of the Olympics for the best athletes in each sport compete against each other, doesn’t golf already do that? Doesn’t that racist tournament, The Masters, have the best golfers from around the world? Man why are you wasting my time? And who the ass wants to watch golf? I would rather watch someone floss or paint their toenails instead of watching golf. I would even rather watch an event where someone has to use a garlic press and then try to clean it using a toothpick while rapping ScHoolboy Q songs.

Canoe

Hahaha hahahah Are they serious with this? Canoe…for real? I will say that I was mildly amused by the canoer who capsized because he hit a sofa, and the idea that they were canoeing in literal shit. Now that I think about it we should take it to the next level and just add a bunch of weird obstacles throughout the race. We should have Brazilian models in bikinis on an island making out and eating pie in the middle of the course, tiny water-mines that won’t cause the canoer any harm but can flip the shit out of his canoe, I could go on and on but you get the point, canoeing is a dumb Olympic sport.

Synchronized Anything

Son! I don’t want to see one of you do it, why on earth would I want to watch two of you do it. You actually think this is good idea? You think that two assholes jumping in a pool is more entertaining than one watching one of them do it? Let’s push it out and have synchronized basketball or weightlifting or golf! I can’t be bothered with this shit. All of these synchronized events are so uninteresting and pointless, can we just get rid of all this bullshit.

Sailing

Aka rich country sport or more specifically rich white guy sport. Other than the fact that no one wants to watch people sail because it’s not really possible for something more boring to exist in this life, it’s such an exclusive group of people who get to do this that you most likely wouldn’t be able to even if you wanted to. It’s not like buying a pair of Nike’s or even a membership at a swimming pool, no friend you need a fucking yacht. Raise your hand if you have access to a yacht or if you’ve ever been on one. Me neither!

One response to “10 Things We Hate At The Olympics”

  1. Anupriya says:

    Ha ha ha! The way you express your view is interesting.

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